Marriage Spells Are No Good
by Fallenora
Summary: D/Hr. Draco must get married to a Mudblood to save his father from Azkaban. Just as the time limit almost runs out, he places an immediate marriage spell to the nearest Mudblood he sees. It just so happens the Mudblood is a certain bushy haired Gryffindor
1. Chapter 1

AN: I really don't know what to write, so on to the story. :P

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. Or chocolate flavoured lollipops. Darn.

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Accept the things  
To which fate binds you and  
Love the people with whom fate  
Brings you together  
But do so with all your heart.

-**Marcus Aurelius**

Draco's eyes nearly bugged out of his head. _"A Mudblood…?"_ he whispered as soon as his brain could form words. The Minister stared at him with cold eyes, and his father was gripping the armchair quite tightly. "You can't be serious." Draco said, dropping back into his chair. Yes, they were merely joking. It had to be some sort of sick joke. Draco's eyes rested on his father's face. No, they were being serious. His father never joked. Especially not about him. They actually wanted him to…to…

Marry a Mudblood??

"I'm not doing it." He simply stated. "You both have clearly…"

_Lost your damn minds._

"Silence!" His father snarled at him. Draco held his tongue. It seemed his father was not happy about the ordeal. Then why the hell was he making him do it? "What on earth do you have to gain by me marrying a filthy _Mudblood_?" Draco asked them with enraged eyes and malice in his voice. His father made no attempt to speak, so the Minister spoke. "Your father has agreed with me. He says he took no part in the," the Minister smirked at Draco, "muggle torturing…But past references would sadly say otherwise." This meant nothing to Draco. Of course people would speak against his father. He never went around handing sweets to muggles and Mudbloods now did he?

"And…?" Draco pressed the Minister to continue. He sighed and talked on, "But…seeing as how I have a merciful nature he has made a proposition of to how he can prove he bears no ill will to muggles."

Draco scoffed in his head. This Minister was more menacing than the others; that was for sure. As for the merciful nature, he now knew where the large sum of galleons his father had withdrawn had gone. "So, father," Draco looked at him with cold eyes, "You told the Minister that I could marry a Mudblood and that was it?" This made his father furious. "How dare you even inquire that! I—!"

"—He actually said he could give large donations to the affected muggle families in exchange for his freedom…" The Minister interrupted with a thoughtful look at his feet. "But many other families have filled our need in that department, so…"

Draco scowled. "So you told him I either had to marry a Mudblood or he would have to stay in Azkaban and possibly get the Dementor's kiss."

The Minister smiled sinisterly at Draco with his legs crossed in a polite manner. "It seems we're finally on the right page, Mr. Malfoy."

"You're hardly one to give romantic advice, Hermione." Ron said with a mouth full of Liquorish Wands. "Ron, it's called chewing your food," Hermione said with a smirk as Ron starting hacking coughs. He ignored her and reached for Sugar Quills. "Give me a break Hermione, I've been eating rubbish all week. Mum went to visit Charlie and Dad's cooking is downright grimy."

Hermione resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "Is it worser then the food we had when we were traveling?" Ron had a look of mock horror as he reminisced on the foods he had to eat when he had traveled with Hermione and Harry. "Ugh, anything but that. No offense Hermione, but that was awful cooking." She pursed her lips and glared at him. "I told you to try cooking but it seemed you preferred I do it instead." Ron chose not to say anything and plopped a honey coloured toffee into his mouth. "Ahh…heavenly sweets. That took the bad taste I suddenly got in my mouth away." Hermione threw a quill at Ron, which hit him on the nose.

"Back to the subject. I just told Ginny to talk to Harry about Quidditch stuff. They're at Madame Puddifoot's teashop. Do you think that'll work?" Ron raised an eyebrow at the mention of his sister's name, but relaxed when Harry's name was thrown in. "Yeah sure. Weird that he'd bring her to the same place he took Cho though on their date...insensitive bloke. Anyway, gits love a girl to talk to about Quidditch with, I guess. Not like you. You only talk about—" Ron words were muffled however when Hermione Locamotor'd a Cockroach Cluster into his mouth and walked out in a huff.

Hermione pulled up her scarf to cover her nose. Honestly, how dare Ron say she wasn't one to give romantic advice? She certainly could find dates when she wanted to.

_Of course it never works out…_Hermione thought miserably.

She frowned and sneezed when her wool scarf rubbed against her sensitive nose. Hermione walked through the snow with pink cheeks to The Three Broomsticks for some Butterbeer to calm down the urge she had to stuff sweets down Ron's throat.

She sat down at one of the tables in the corner, as to not draw attention to herself. Hermione smiled when Madame Rosmerta arrived with a big drink of Butterbeer with a knowing face. She sipped the drink to warm her surely frostbitten body. Ah, this drink was pure heaven to her chilled body. Hermione pulled out a book she had placed in her bag for some light reading.

Draco shoved his hands into the pockets of his finely made coat as he trudged through the snow. After his father had taken the Silencio spell off Draco for the fourth time, he asked them both if they had a suitor in mind. To his slight comfort they both replied with a no. This meant he at least had some choices in this unfortunate predicament his father had gotten him into.

_Great. I can choose the Mudblood that's going to be my…wife…_The thought of having a wife at 17 was almost unbearable for him. This was supposed to be the time of his life, and instead he had to waste it tied down to some Mudblood.

He supposed he could find someone in the time limit the Minister had given him to get married. And once he did find someone, he could use the spell the Minister had given him to marry them both then and there. It would be simple enough to find a girl, after all, he _was_ Draco Malfoy… With another heavy sigh he entered The Three Broomsticks with the thought of warming Butterbeer in his mind.

Draco woke up with heavy eyes and a warm body. He suspected he had drunk too much Butterbeer and had been snoozing. With a groan he lifted himself off the table and walked out of the pub. He sauntered through the snow for what seemed hours and sat himself down on a tree stump. He was tremendously drowsy, and wanted nothing more to sleep in his bed back at Hogwarts when he felt a sudden ringing in his head.

_You have 20 seconds to get married or your father heads back to Azkaban! _The Minister's voice thundered in Draco's head. His eyes widened as realization hit him and searched frantically for someone to get wed to in the next 15 seconds. There was almost no one in sight around him, and only old drunken wizards and some pureblood witches could be spotted a few feet away from where he had walked. But still no Mudbloods.

Why the hell had the time limit been for only one day? Actually half a day? He thought the Minister would've given him at least a week or two. But no, not even a whole fucking day!

He ran through the snow and had discovered that it was still a long run until he got back to all the pubs where single Mudblood witches were sure to be. While running high-speed he crashed into a figure and fell to the cold snowy ground.

"Watch where you're going Malfoy," a girl's muffled voice said. His calves covered her mouth. Draco sat up and looked down to see Granger staring irritably at him beneath his leg.

_4…3…2…_

_"Statim Matrim!"_ Draco yelled without a thought and pointed his wand at Hermione's face.

Her eyes widened as Malfoy cast a spell, one she wasn't familiar with, on her. Hermione felt a sudden tingle surround her body, as if her entire body was vibrating. The feeling soon passed. Hermione gasped and tried to push his leg off of her. "Gerrof me!" Her voice mumbled as she tried to push his amazingly heavy leg off her.

Draco breathed heavily as understanding of what he had just done flowed through him. He had just married himself...

To_ Granger._

"Noooo!" Draco yelled. He didn't care who heard. He couldn't bubble up the feeling of dread that was filling him. He stood up and started kicking everything in front of him. Snow and grass flew everywhere.

_No.No.No.No!_ Draco slumped down on a large boulder with his head in his hands.

Hermione watched him as she stood up and shook the snow off her shoulders. "Malfoy! Hey Malfoy!" Hermione yelled at him until she finally got his attention. Hermione studied his face as he looked back at her. His eyes were full of dread and regret. What had he done? "Malfoy, what was the spell you put on me? Tell before I hex you."

Draco watched his new bride through the falling snow. Her expression was angry and confused. Her curls stuck out from under her wool cap, and her cheeks were pink from cold. She gripped her wand tightly in her mittened hand, and seemed to be thinking about whether not she should have hexed him already.

Draco knew the spell had worked. There was no denying it further. He and Granger were now husband and wife. He kicked the snow in resentment. They were now bonded with something possibly unbreakable. Even though she stood feet away from him, he heard her every puff of breath. He felt her eyes watching him though it would've been hard to tell through the snow. He felt _her_.

Draco let out a deep breath and stood up. The snowflakes stabbed his cold nose, but he didn't care. Slowly he walked towards her, careful to not give her the vibe to hex him.

Hermione watched him as her eyes narrowed marginally. He was walking towards her, but it was not a walk of intended harm. It was actually more of a prisoner's walk. A walk to their execution.

Finally he stopped a couple of inches away from her. She looked at him through her eyebrows, not lifting her head. He was contemplating over something. Hermione slightly raised her wand hand, ready to strike him if he tried anything funny. "WHAT DID YOU DO?" She asked him again, more fiercely, the urge to hex his balls off even more great.

He said nothing for a while, only studying her face. She raised an eyebrow. At last he answered her, but it was something she had least expected from him, out of anyone. "We're married now Granger. You're my wife." He said each word through gritted teeth. Her eyes widened and she felt her whole body shake with panic. "What? W-what? Y-You're not serious. You can't be." She said in a weak stammering voice. She incredulously looked at him with wide eyes.

He was though, and Hermione knew because she now vaguely remembered going through a book of wizard and witches matrimony spells. He had cast the spell Statim Matrim. The spell of _eternal marriage_.

AN: Well that's the first chapter... I'm going to go get some ice cream now.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Sorry for the long wait, couldn't think about writing because there's a lot going on. Ugh, I feel a headache coming. Thanks for reviewing. :P

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Hermione looked at him for a few seconds in utter shock, before her rage took over. She pulled her hand back and slapped the side of his face, hard. The sound of the blow echoed in her ears, and she rubbed the stinging palm of her left hand. His face had moved to the side, and the result of her slap now became more and more red on his cheek as seconds flew by. He said nothing, and Hermione preferred it this way. A few minutes ago she had been on her way back to Honeydukes to meet up with Ron, and now she was married to Malfoy? What the _hell _was going on?

She stared at him, her expression furious, her lips forming a thin taut line. "What in Merlin's name were you thinking? Have you gone _mad_?" she asked him, her voice low and wild. Draco closed his eyes at the sting he felt on his cheek. He resisted the urge to throttle her.

"_Once you have found your bride, Mr. Draco, you will bring her to meet with me." _Draco recalled the Minister saying. He looked back at Hermione, eyeing her. "Come with me." He said as he swiftly reached out to grab her hand. Before she could respond, they had apparated to somewhere. Hermione gasped as warm air filled her lungs, then cold. She felt Draco release her hand. When she slowly opened her eyes, which she had automatically shut, she was in the Malfoy Manor. She recognized it immediately.

Hermione quickly looked around the room to see Draco stalking off around a corner of a hall, leaving her completely alone. Everything was going absolutely mad! "Malfoy! _Malfoy you evil little_—Malfoy where are you!" Hermione searched around. She tried to Apparate out, but something did not let her. She suspected there was an Anti Apparating spell in the Manor. The manor really was quite extravagant, with Albino peacocks waddling around.

She groaned and resisted the urge to rip out her hair. Why was this happening to her? _Why?_ She got ready to search for the exit, before hearing a loud _bang_. "Hurry up Granger, you want an explanation don't you?" she heard Malfoy say from somewhere behind a door. Hermione walked through a hall, turned the corner and stopped at a large door. She opened the door and walked cautiously into the room, her wand in her hand, and the sight before her left her quite speechless.

The newly appointed Minister of Magic, Dolbuos Hipotor, was there, sipping tea and laughing. Lucius Malfoy was sitting on a chair near him, glaring at the Minister with what appeared to be a forced smile on his face. The oddest thing was, however, that there were decorations on the wall of what was supposedly an office, and a banner with the words 'newlyweds' in glittering bold print.

"Ah yes, Draco Malfoy. Come here boy, and I suppose this is the bride? Oh yes, quite a catch indeed…" Hermione looked at the Minister with wide eyes. "Minister, please don't tell me you're a part of this—this catastrophe!" Hermione looked at him in disbelief. He looked taken aback at her words before turning to look at Malfoy, whom had perched himself on the arm of a large chair with his arms crossed, looking down.

"Don't tell me she is here against—against her will?" the Minister looked at Draco, who muttered a low, "yeah." The Minister looked back at Hermione. "You didn't marry him of your own will?" Hermione shook her head sideways quite sharply. The Minister looked once more at Draco, his face stony. "I had assumed…that because you had gotten married so quickly—"

"—Quick—Quickly? Are you bloody _joking_? I heard your voice in my head a few hours right after I had gotten the task of getting married!" Draco yelled from his seat. His face had now contorted into a sneer Hermione had seen many times before, particularly when he insulted her, Harry and Ron.

The Minister took what appeared to be a small pocket watch out of his robes, and tutted to himself. "I appeared to have made a mistake…I had intended the time limit to be at least a month…" He pocketed the item then looked to Draco with a solemn face. "I suppose it shouldn't be a problem. You used the correct spell I assume. No mind, we can get it removed—"

"Minister," Hermione broke in. "What do you mean get it removed? Do you mean you know the removing spell for Statim Matrim?" At this, the Minister gave a large nervous chuckle. "I think you are mistaken, my dear. The spell I gave to him was Minor Matrim, not—not Statim Matrim." Hermione finally turned her head to look at the idiot she had been avoiding.

"You…you used Statim Matrim. You—" Hermione lunged herself at Draco and started raised her hand to strike him again when the Minister cleared his throat. She glared at Draco before going back to sit down. "Draco, what spell did you use? Tell me now," Lucius asked. Draco raised himself off the bookcase Hermione had forced him unto and smoothed the wrinkles on his clothes.

"I used only the spell the Minister told me," he spat out. Hermione, who had chosen to sit down across the room away from the two, looked at him. "Minister…?" He shook his head in a way that told Hermione he did not know what to do.

Hermione had always thought highly of the new Minister, mainly because he did not believe in blood nonsense, and was more courageous then the others. His Muggle-born mother, it was believed, was murdered by a pureblood wizard whom had killed her after he had learned she had romanced with his brother. It was a good feeling to know someone in a high position thought highly of Muggle-borns, for once.

"Alright then." Lucius drawlingly said before sitting himself down gracefully in a chair. "So Draco…you married Granger. Although this decision bothers me to no end, it has saved me from the kiss, so that is all to be said." Hermione blinked, and appeared to not have heard his words about the kiss.

"Excuse me," she said each word with unbelief. "I don't want to be married to Malfoy. I don't even understand what's going on, and I frankly I don't care. Do any of you realize that I have not agreed to anything? I want an explanation and for one of you to say there's a way I can divorce him," Hermione nodded towards Draco, "and move on with my life!"

The Minister cleared his throat. "I'm afraid you're not allowed to know the details of the agreement Miss Granger. Or actually it should be Mrs. Mal—"

"Don't. Even. Finish. That." Draco said with pure loathing. The Minister was acting kind to the Mudblood, and yet to his Pureblood family he was vicious and cruel. Everything was going mad!

"Alright. Miss Granger, long story short, Mr. Malfoy was to marry a Muggle-born witch within a month for certain reasons that are classified. And unfortunately due to some mistakes on my part, that muggle-born witch…is you." He gave her a supposedly pitied look. She blinked rather rapidly for a few seconds before taking in a sharp breath.

This is some sort of nightmare. I'm having a nightmare. Yes, that's it. That has to be it. There's no other explanation. This is just some odd dream.

Hermione knew she was just rambling on in her head. "What…am I going to do now?" She whispered to no one in particular.

"I need to speak to Lucius for a moment, privately, if you don't mind."

Lucius raised an eyebrow before raising himself off the chair and walking into another room through the door conjoined with the office room. The Minister looked at the two, giving a smile at Hermione and a look she didn't see at Draco before also going in.

The door closed, and Hermione could hear a small clank meaning they had locked the door.

She sat herself back down on the chair and closed her eyes, her fingers pinching the bridge of her nose. Why was this happening? It seemed like someone was out to get her. She was married. She was married by something possibly unbreakable. She was married by something possibly unbreakable to Malfoy. This could not be happening.

Hermione tried to remember the certain words she had read about the Statim Matrim spell. It was non-reversible; at least there was no known counter spell yet. The spell intensified feelings. Hermione scoffed. Well that wouldn't matter, she would only hate Malfoy more, right? There was also…Hermione's eyes snapped open and she looked to Draco. "Malfoy, does this spell prevent unfaithfulness?" Draco's eyes widened at her question. No way. Being married was one thing, but if he couldn't fool around, that would kill him.

He turned around and started searching the bookcases. He heard scuffling in the back and suspected she had started searching also. "I got it." He heard her say.

Hermione took out the old dusty book and sat down with it placed on her lap. She searched through the old book before stopping at the desired page. She ran her fingers along the list of spells before stopping to read.

_Statim Matrim: Minister Rudolf banned this spell long ago after wizards were using them on unwilling witches. It was then decided after, that the spell could only be used under a Minister's authorization. The spell was created by Bilium Morndew, in dedication to his loving wife Martha. The spell, in old times, had created an unbreakable bond between lovers. Their feelings were intensified, and unfaithfulness was near impossible. Therefore, it was strongly advised that only serious long-term wizard couples should do the spell. There has since then been spells like this kind, yet weaker. The spell that came from Statim Matrim, called Minor Matrim, allowed wizards and witches to be married with in a matter of seconds. This spell was more common among young couples that wished to be married right away without any difficulty. These two spells are often mistaken for one another, but should someone accidentally use the Statim Matrim spell, the result could be permanent, since the only known opposing spell was reported lost through time. The only known way, other than the lost spell, to break the spell is for one of the partners of Statim Matrim to die._

As Hermione read on, her hopes only deflated. The spell was unalterable, and the only known counter spell had been lost through time. Not to mention infidelity was near impossible. An image of Ron flashed through her mind, and she groaned inwardly.

"Fuck...That can't be right." Hermione looked up to see Draco standing from behind her chair reading over her shoulder.

She closed the book and took a deep breath in. "Malfoy, I…really, really,_ really_ want to kill you right now," she paused, "but that would only land me in Azkaban.

She stood up from her chair to look at him. "Look, what I know so far is that you were supposed to marry a muggle-born witch for some reason, a time limit ran out and you married yourself to me…because I was just there at the moment?"

He clenched his teeth together. Hermione sensed he wanted to say something, but was holding back due to the fact the Minister was a door away. Hermione sat back down. For someone who had just married their worst enemy, she was being very mature so far. She had not killed him, and all his body parts were still intact. So far.

The Minister chose at that moment to enter the room, glancing at Hermione shortly. "Miss Granger, you had best return home for right now. We will figure out what to do later."

Hermione nodded and allowed the Minister to escort her out. Her mind was full of rumbling thoughts, and she suspected today would be the day she'd know what Harry was talking about when he had told her about the feeling when drinking too much Firewhiskey. Her eyes widened. What was she going to do about Ron and Harry. Hermione Apparated and sighed when she saw the pubs once more in view. Perhaps she could get out of this predicament before anyone would have to know. With a brave face, Hermione pulled her scarf around her neck and headed to Honeydukes.

Draco watched her retreating back then watched his father enter the room, scowling.

"What did he say?" Draco asked, with a slightly raised eyebrow.

"You must stay married to her. He intends to send me to Azkaban to minute he finds a way to dispose the spell. This must not happen, not _yet_."

"She doesn't want to be married to me as much as I do to her. What do you plan I do? I won't touch her, and just being near the Mudblood makes me want to kill her."

His father sat behind a desk, taking a quill and a piece of parchment. "Do what you must. Do not worry Draco, in time all things will fall into place, and we will be rid of the Mudblood." With these words, he dipped the quill in ink and began to write.

AN: This Minister is more scared of Hermione then Lucius and Draco. The weirdness continues…:P


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